Learning how to emotionally detach yourself from an ex can be a major problem after a relationship ends. If the two of you were always hanging out together or frequently texting, its safe to say you were strongly emotionally attached to one another. Although frequent communication is seen as a good thing in a relationship, it can be almost unbearable when he stops initiating texts or responding to messages once the relationship is over. So ladies if you are struggling with this kind of issue, here are a few ways on how to emotionally detach yourself from an ex.
1. Grieve for the Loss
One way how to emotionally detach yourself from an ex is to accept the emotions that come with the breakup. Just as your heart has to go through a grieving process when someone you love dies, it has to do the same when you lose a significant relationship. It’s normal to cycle through stages like shock, denial, anger, depression and bargaining. The bond you created with your ex took time to build so it will take time to cut those emotional ties as well.
2. Go No Contact
One of the most difficult things to do, yet is most helpful in your recovery, is to make a decision to stop all contact with your ex. This means no random texts, emails or phone calls for any reason. It can be helpful to tie a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you are tempted to call. Remember you will just feed his ego by trying to make contact with him... and make yourself feel worse in the process.
3. Avoid Contact with His Friends
Like most couples, you probably share mutual friends in your social circle. Avoid anyone that might want to fill you in on any of his activities like who he is currently dating. If you are around mutual friends, you will most likely be tempted to ask about him. Avoid places that your ex hangs out to minimize the chances of running into him.
4. Accept You Can’t Be Friends
Immediately after a breakup, it’s impossible to become friends no matter how hard you try. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that just because the breakup didn’t end on bad terms that you can be buddies. The truth is friendship can only occur once you have both moved on and no longer have romantic feelings towards each other. Trying to force a friendship before you are ready is a recipe for misery or even more heartbreak.
5. Remove Your Rose-Colored Glasses
Once a relationship ends, we have a tendency to idealize the best parts of the relationship and our ex. It’s so easy to forget how he has the maturity of a nine year old at four in the morning when you miss him like crazy. So for this exercise its important to create a list of all the things you hated about your ex or that made him a bad partner. Remind yourself of the bad times that made you want to call it quits before it officially ended and write that information down as well. Place the list in a prominent place where you are reminded often of his faults which is especially helpful when you feel the urge to crawl back to him.
6. Avoid Things That Remind You of Your Ex
Get rid of anything in your place that reminds you of your ex. It’s a very painful but necessary step to delete any evidence of your relationship like old emails, text messages, cell phone pictures and voicemails. The more that you reminisce about the good times, the harder it is to create emotional distance from him. You are trying to cut the emotional ties to your ex so pretty much anything that can trigger an I-miss-the-relationship emotion has to be removed from your life.
7. Find a New Focus
A good way to move on from a failed relationship is to distract yourself with new activities. You could try volunteering at a soup kitchen, local hospital, retirement home or animal shelter. Or dedicate yourself to a hobby that you always wanted to try but never had the chance to. It’s hard and it will take time but slowly you will adjust to having a new life without your ex in it.
So ladies these are a few things that can help you grow and move on from a failed relationship. What other things do you suggest that can help sever the emotional ties to a past love?