Our culture has hammered it into our psyches that the guy is generally the one who has to take the first step in a relationship. He is expected to be the first to pursue, the first to connect, the first to ask you out on a date, get you a gift, pay on the table and pop the question. All this can get quite frustrating for an independent woman, who is actually interested in someone. You may be worried about how to send the right signals. The trick is to be subtle, yet decisive. The man should know that you want to be approached, but he shouldn’t think that you are desperate. It is not so difficult, though, once you know what to do. Here are 7 ways to show subtly that you are available.
Table of contents:
- a smile
- eye contact
- read his signals
- if he doesn’t respond…
- if you get talking…
- confiding in mutual friends
- don’t stalk him
1 A Smile
Your face contains the best clues about your level of interest in someone, and a smile is one of the most powerful and endearing statements of interest. When you smile at someone warmly, it is an invitation to develop a connection. There are no other connotations to it, and it cannot be misinterpreted. However, the key is to smile and be subtle, rather than overdoing the gesture, which can suggest desperation.
2 Eye Contact
The key to budding love or interest is not just on your lips, but equally in your eyes. Most women are not aware of just how powerful their eyes can be. To give you an idea, some cultures advise men that a woman’s eyes are a tool of hypnosis! However, like any powerful tool, you have to use your eyes smartly and carefully. When you look towards the guy you are interested in, actually look at him rather than passing your glance over, and let your eyes linger a bit. Not more than a few seconds, though. If eye contact is held for too long, it can be intimidating for the other person. The idea is to exercise restraint and be opportunistic. Someone said that as long as you have a smile and your eyes, you have little reason to worry. That’s absolutely correct. Your facial signals are amongst the best ways to show subtly that you are available.
3 Read His Signals
You may know your tools, but you need to be observant too. Is he responding to your eye contact? Is he smiling back at you? If you perceive interest, you already have a connection. However, it is important not to be too jumpy or over-enthusiastic. Take it slowly. Linger at the level of eye contact for a while, and see if he takes the next step. The idea is to drift closer rather than plunge in.
4 If He Doesn’t Respond…
Don’t be disheartened. It may mean that he is confused or uncertain. There may be a million things going on in his mind, and he may take time to warm up to your interest. If he is a colleague, a common friend or a classmate, you know that you will meet him again, and you can show your subtle signs of interest every now and then, over a period of several days. The key is neither to get disheartened nor impatient. Don’t make your attempts too obvious, and wait.
5 If You Get Talking…
You need to preserve your equilibrium. Don’t make obvious attempts to impress him or admire him. Try to keep the conversation as normal as possible, and let it take its own course. The game is still in your eyes. While you are talking, maintain eye contact for a fraction longer than you would with someone else. Also, if the conversation is dying down or he wants to move ahead, don’t make special attempts to hold him back. That conveys desperation. Remember, the idea is to find ways to show subtly that you are available, not desperately.
6 Confiding in Mutual Friends
You have to be careful. If you are interested in a guy, you must confide only in a friend who you know will respect your privacy. The last thing you want is your friend to announce excitedly to the group, ‘you know what, Alice has a thing for Josh!’ It can be very embarrassing for both you and "Josh", and the budding connection can wilt right there.
7 Don’t Stalk Him
That’s a big no, and you need to be careful as you may be doing it subconsciously. Lingering a little longer in the cafeteria because he is sitting there, hanging around the library when you know he is about to come, staying back for an extra class just for him are all indicators of a pursuit. It is natural for us to be excited about being somewhere where our crush is too, but you need to control that to some extent. If he sees you looking at him, every time he looks up, wherever he may be, your attempt will be anything but subtle.
If you can keep in mind these tips, you will do just fine. However, remember that no matter how well you execute these ways to show subtly that you are available, the other person may just not be interested. Again, there could be numerous reasons for this, and they may have nothing to do with you. So, try not to let your self esteem take a hit. You may find someone equally engaging waiting for you round the corner! Any subtle tips you might want to add?
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