Warning Signs to Look for to Know if Your Partner is Cheating ...


Warning Signs to Look for to Know if Your Partner is Cheating ...
Warning Signs to Look for to Know if Your Partner is Cheating ...

What are the signs your partner is cheating? There’s an old adage that says “If I’d known then what I know now…” feel free to finish it any way you like. Most women would agree that it applies to relationships and almost every aspect of life.

So, are there true signs that suggest that someone might be having an affair? You bet your sweet ass there are. And because I want to save people from a lengthy relationship sans monogamy and true happiness, I am going to school you on what to look for. Here are some signs your partner is cheating.

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Weird Phone Habits

One of the biggest signs your partner is cheating is weird phone habits. Is he guarding his phone like fricking Fort Knox? Was there a time when your significant other’s phone wasn’t password protected and now it is? Did he suddenly change the password and neglect to inform you? Are you allowed to touch it? If you touch it does he look like the cat that ate the canary? Is there a sudden increase in the number of calls, texts, messages, etc. outgoing, or incoming?

If his phone rings, is he declining calls when in your presence? Does he answer and speak in a hushed manner? Is he all of a sudden placing his phone face down when it wasn’t an issue before? These are things you need to be mindful of. If the answer is yes, you have a choice to make.

The right thing to do is to confront him about your suspicion. But, be prepared to be lied to. Most people will deny, deny, deny even when there is proof. Y’all heard Shaggy; Mr. Boombastic said it wasn’t me even though Connie caught him creepin’, red-handed with the girl next door. If you are like me, you throw caution, and a few other things, to the wind and you become the best detective in the world. Women’s intuition could lock up the world's terrorists in half the time if they had reason to believe their significant other was being less than honest and faithful with one of them. So follow your gut.

If your gut tells you that something is wrong, then it usually means that there is. Always trust your gut. One more little tidbit of information about phones. Just because your SO allows you access to his mobile device doesn’t mean that he is forthcoming and honest with you. I am speaking from personal experience on this one. He might just have a burner phone stashed somewhere on which he does his dirty work.


Missing or Poorly Accounted for Time

Are there times during the day when you can’t for the life of you reach your SO? Texts and calls go unanswered. It’s all of a sudden like he's just fallen off of the face of the Earth. When he does surface, the initial excuse might be believable. But as he repeats the offense over and over again he will run out of believable stories. Or maybe the excuse was trash from the beginning. From the very first lie, keep track of the excuses. It will be time consuming and painful. And there will be many.

You will want to confront him as soon as you are onto him. I would advise against it until you have undeniable proof. Remember from section 1, he will deny, deny, deny. He would rather die with the lie than to come clean. Even the most honest guy will continue being dishonest if it means he gets to keep on having his cake and eating it too.

I told you earlier in this article that you would need to make a choice. It won’t be an easy one. But, if you’re reading this article I know you are no stranger to pain. You need to choose whether the person that you’re suspecting of what some would consider an unforgivable offense is worth all of this work and further heartache. If the answer is no, then exit this article and do what you already know needs to be done, leave.

Or, keep reading to satiate your curiosity. I chose to stay for many reasons. What you do from here on out is up to you. I will just provide you with the signs to look for you. But the choice that comes from reading this article is up to you.


Change in Attitude/mood/character

Has there been a change in his mood, seemingly without a valid reason? Is he always irritated with you? Do you ask a normal question and get an answer that is rife with undeserved anger? It can be quite difficult to juggle two women. It requires that you are always on. Meaning you can’t really relax. You have to keep your lies in check. You have to remember who you’re with and what you did with whom.

It may seem like it would be easy to do, but trust me, people slip more than you’d think. It is exhausting. And what typically happens when you are exhausted? You become irritable. And that is why you will typically see a change in mood, or see your SO fly off the handle. He might blame you for everything, even if he knows that you truly aren’t to blame.

Starting fights does two things. It allows him to feel like he has a valid reason to carry on the way that he is, and it creates space for the OP for phone calls, and/or visits. If he is mad at you, whether it’s legitimate or not, he has a reason to storm off and make phone calls, or even visit the side piece.

Is he no longer wearing his wedding rings when he never used to take them off? Does he appear distant, or lost in his thoughts? Is he sneaking off, or being extremely nice to you? He might even encourage you to go out more, maybe out of town.

You want to keep an eye out for any explainable behavior that's out of character. NEVER ignore sudden, seemingly explainable, or poorly explained behavior. If you notice that your SO has become more irritable lately, or is acting out of character, he could be having an affair.


Change in Appearance

Sure, everyone wants to be the best version of themselves. But let’s face it, so many of us just aren’t for whatever reasons. Was your guy a pizza and beer kind of person and all of a sudden he is cutting calories and going to the gym? Is he showering more frequently and bathing in cologne? Is he dressing differently, using new grooming products and seemingly a completely different person than he was when you met?

Now, these signs may not necessarily point to an affair by themselves, but they could, alone, or grouped with other signs in this article, spell disaster for your relationship. These could all be signs that someone else is influencing his decisions on what to wear, eat, and how to smell. Even a new habit, like drinking, smoking, or a sudden change in music could be an ominous sign.

In addition to the changes in appearance, I am going to add missing, or accounted for birth control. If you know there were 3 condoms in the box the last time you used them together and now there’s only two...well, you do the math.


Changes in the Boudoir

This sign will be obvious immediately if you guys are still active together, though you might miss it because it could be something you benefit from. Let’s face it, we aren’t going to complain about, or question something that brings us pleasure. But you need to do just that because people are creatures of habit and as much as we would like to think we aren’t, we are predictable, even in the bedroom. Hell, it’s the reason why I was able to write this article.

The other end of the spectrum is that your sex life could just dry up altogether. He might not have enough in the reserve tank to even think about intimacy with you. Or, he might be able to physically, but emotionally it’s overwhelming for them. He knows that what he's doing is wrong and he can’t bring himself to touch you. I suppose that’s a good thing. It suggests that he isn't completely morally bankrupt. There might be some hope for him.

So if your SO is busting out new moves in the boudoir, whether they curl your toes, or boggle your mind, you need to be paying attention. It might be something worth having a chat about.


Increase in Social Gatherings outside of the Home without You

The company Christmas party can be awesome. Are you no longer invited? Are you suddenly left out of any work events? Are there more nights out with the guys? If all of a sudden your partner is doing any and everything to get out of the house away from you, there is a reason why. If there was a time when you used to be included in those things and you no longer are, it might be worth having a sit down with your partner. It might not mean he is being unfaithful, but it could mean something is up. Since most affairs begin in the workplace it’s not an unreasonable suspicion.


Loss of Mutual Friends

Friends shared by both of you may know about the affair placing them uncomfortably in the middle of a messy situation. To avoid the discomfort of the situation, they avoid you altogether. When you do connect with them something just isn’t right.

Maybe you can’t quite put your finger on it, but if mutual friends are dropping out of your life in conjunction with some of these other signs, there might be an affair that you’re the last to know about.


Electronic Clues

We’ve already covered the phone. This one is geared more toward email accounts, social media, apps, and games. There are so many different ways someone could have an affair. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Tinder, POF, Skype, Kik. Hell, even an online poker game. That’s where my husband's online affair occurred. The majority of these things are password protected, and you can bet if it’s going down in someone’s DM, it is secured with a password.

Oh, let’s not forget the shady world of Facebook groups. They deserve an honorable mention all on their own. I have had to remove myself from quite a few Facebook groups. I wasn’t doing anything worth mentioning. However, I like to say don’t entertain the bullshit. Just don’t even put yourself in a position to hurt the person you love. For the most part, it all starts out as innocent chatter and before you know it progresses to something you can’t seem to control because let’s be honest, you don’t want to.

So, just don’t entertain the bullshit. Better safe than sorry. Remove yourself from the environment. Don’t let your SO tell you that it was just innocent flirting either. There is NO such thing. If you wouldn’t conduct yourself that way in front of me, don’t do it behind my back. It's a simple law for all involved to live by. In this category watch out for deleted emails. So many people get caught because they delete the emails and forget to dump the trash. Check it! A lot of people will say respect his privacy. If you feel that way then skip this piece of advice.

But in a world where STI’s are running rampant, I am going to check what I need to and apologize later if I am wrong. You don’t have to agree with or follow my methods. To each their own. But if your partner has a new email address, is constantly on one of these sites and very secretive about it, their behavior might warrant a little snooping.


Sudden Talk of Unhappiness with Life, the Relationship, or the Family

All of a sudden he will express immense unhappiness. He'll say things like he loves you, but he isn't in love with you. He may suggest that he needs time away from you, and possibly the children if you have any. When he is around the family, he may seem down, glum and disconnected, no longer making an effort to connect with you or the children. And when he does engage, it won’t seem authentic. It will seem like he would rather be anywhere but where you, and those whom he holds a responsibility to are.


Financial Discrepancies

The amount of hours your SO is working isn’t adding up to what’s in the account. Either he isn’t putting in the long hours at the office that he's telling you, or the money is being spent elsewhere before you even realize it. Whether your spouse is or isn’t having an affair, do not allow yourself to be railroaded or taken advantage of. You have every right to know where that money is going, even if he is the one earning the majority of it.

Be involved in the finances. Do not just sit back and allow your partner to control all of the money. Insist that your name is added to accounts. At the very least you should have a joint account where the majority of the money is placed. If you or your spouse want to keep a separate account just for yourselves that is more than okay. But you should both always be open and honest about the amount in your accounts, what’s going in and what’s coming out.

If you have access to the accounts and you notice that money isn’t accounted for, you need to confront your spouse about it. He could be buying gifts, or taking the OP (other person) on dates. Follow the paper trail. If he is leaving one, you should have your answers soon enough.


Car Trails

If you have two separate vehicles there could be evidence in one or both. If your SO says he has to work and the office is 20 miles away, but the odometer shows he traveled a lot more or less than he should have, you might need to have a conversation. Receipts could be hidden in the car.

Changes of clothing including underwear, socks and cologne, even condoms and a burner phone (phones that can’t be traced and don’t leave a paper trail as to who purchased the phone because it doesn’t require a credit check or a contract. There are also no phone records) could easily be hidden in vehicles.

You could also find traces of the OP in vehicles. Is the passenger seat in a different position than what you left it? Are there hairs that you don’t recognize, or the scent of perfume on the seat? I think it’s time to have a conversation.

Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that absolutely none of these signs confirm an affair, especially just one or two here and there. It might be worth it to say nothing and just observe. If your spouse is having an affair, eventually there will be no denying it. They will get caught in lies and things won’t add up. No matter how much you want 2+2 to equal 5, it will always be 4.

If you’ve just noticed one of these signs, just hang back and wait. If your SO is indeed having an affair you will know soon enough. To be fair, if you haven’t noticed anything else, it could be nothing at all. At the very least you should have a conversation with your spouse about your feelings if nothing comes of your suspicions. Get to the bottom of why you’ve been feeling this way.

Regardless of what he is doing, you need to ask yourself, is this a forgivable offense? Do you want a relationship where the trust is broken? Can you get it back? Where do you even begin? I have been there. I can’t tell you what the right answer is for you. For me, it was to stay. It hasn’t been easy. In fact, my next article will be on how to move forward with your relationship after infidelity and broken trust. Whatever you choose, I wish you all the best. Stay strong and remember you deserve TRUE happiness. You are worth it!

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