Talking about the future of your relationship is a big step. It’s when you find out if you’re on the same page and share the same dreams. And you have to be prepared to learn that you might be looking to walk different paths. It’s not easy to walk confidently into a conversation that is shrouded in uncertainty but you can be sensible in how you approach it.
When thinking about how to talk about your future with your partner, it’s really important to judge the mood and pick the right time to bring it up. You don’t want to discuss the long term when you are doing something that will artificially elevate your mood like being on holiday, and equally you don’t want to discuss when one or both of you are going through a tough time at work or has recently experienced something sad or traumatic. Timing is everything. Wait until you are grounded and unburdened.
2 Be Open ‘Cos Neither of You Are Mind Readers!
Don’t expect your partner to be having the same feelings as you if you do not discuss them: nobody is a mind reader. it is all about clear communication and the ability to express your feelings. If you want to have a frank discussion about the future, you need to let him know, otherwise you will start harboring resentment because he has failed to pick up on your microscopic signals!
3 Don’t Be Afraid to Be Afraid Even Though Life is Daunting!
When it comes to having a big discussion like this, it does no good to pretend that you are completely fine when there might be elements of the future that scare you. Again, it is all about honesty, and if you are afraid of something, the only way to effectively deal with it is to voice the fear and let your partner help you get through it.
4 Be Realistic and Don’t Ask for Too Much Too Soon
Just because you want to discuss the future, it doesn’t mean that you should be asking him to set a date for your wedding! Sometimes all a girl needs is the assurance that there might be even a slight possibility. Talks about the future should be less about setting dates and more about making sure that your long terms goals are aligned.
5 Make Sure You Know What You Want
Before the talks even begin, you should come to the table with a clear set of points in mind. There is no point opening a can of worms about the future when you yourself don’t even know what you want yet. It would do nothing except add some stress and uncertainty in to the relationship that really didn’t need to be there.
6 Be Honest with Each Other about Your Incompatibilities
If you can sense that there are going to be a series of incompatibilities in your relationship as it progresses, you need to be honest and upfront about these worries during your talks about the future. The more honest you are, the easier it might be for these worries to be dealt with.
7 Try Not to Take Things Too Personally
Sure, it’s a long term relationship, of course things have got mega personal, but you should observe these talks about the future as a no holds barred zone where all and every concern you and your partner has can be shared without the fear that a grudge will be held or offence will be taken. You are together for a reason, so don’t forget that if the talks do not go as you had planned.
It’s all about timing, being honest and sensible, and tuning in to hear the real messages, not just hearing answers you want to hear.