How to Tell if You Wear the Pants in the Relationship ...


It used to be frowned upon that women wore pants - they didn't really become acceptable or common until the 1920s. Even though we've been wearing pants for decades now, the phrase "wearing the pants in the relationship" is still hanging around. Women interpret this phrase as being strong and fierce. Men see it as a form of emasculation; an expression that the man in the relationship is lesser because the woman is stronger. I prefer to think that there are men out there who aren't doormats but rather, who appreciate having a strong woman as their partner. If you recognize these signs, you probably are a pants wearer!

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Played Hard to Get

Played Hard to Get During the courting and dating period, you were the one who was perfectly happy to stay single and played hard to get. You made him work for it!


Taking control of your dating destiny, you set the standards high and didn’t fold easily under the charm offensive. You were never one to send the first text or call immediately after a date, insisting on a balance between attraction and mystique. Your partner clearly got the message: you're not one to be taken for granted. This approach might have caused a tease here and there, but ultimately, you ensured that your needs and desires were heard loud and clear from day one.


No Labels

No Labels He keeps pushing for your relationship to be clearly defined, but to be honest you’re just not that in to labels and want the relationship to take its own course without pressure.

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High Libido

High Libido You are always the partner who likes to initiate sexy times whenever possible, almost as if he likes to wait for you to suggest it!


If your desire for intimacy often leads the charge and you're the one lighting up the fireworks in the bedroom, there's a good chance you're steering the romantic dynamics of your relationship. It's not just the frequency, but the eagerness and confidence you bring to the table. Embracing your sexuality and knowing what you want can be incredibly empowering, putting you in the driver's seat of your love life. And if he's more than happy to follow your lead, it's clear who's rocking the power heels in this dance.

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Waiter Control

Waiter Control Whenever you go out to a restaurant, you find that the waiter or waitress will always direct their questions and attention to you rather than to your partner. Subliminal power!


This sly dynamic manifests itself even in the simple act of dining out. You're the one calling the shots, from selecting the wine to deciding on the shared appetizers. Your partner's preferences might get a nod, but it's you who casts the final vote. There's no doubt that your influence is strong, even when a menu is involved. The subtle signs all point towards your clear dominance in choosing what's on the table for the both of you. Watch closely next time, and you'll see this subtle dance of decision-making power unfold.

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He Texts First

He Texts First You are always on the receiving end of the text messages to start off a conversation, as if he always wants to check in, but you’re happy to be independent during the day.


His initiative in messaging can be quite the sweet gesture, hinting at his eagerness to stay connected with you. Yet, when the pings on your phone become more backdrop than symphony, it's clear who sets the tempo of communication. Indeed, while he sends the first "Good morning" along with inquiries about your day, you're the one shaping the ebb and flow of the conversation, possibly steering topics or wrapping things up when you need to focus elsewhere. It's a subtle dance, but in this digital tango, it seems you're leading.

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He’s More Emotional

He’s More Emotional Contrary to normal gender stereotypes, your boyfriend is actually the one who gets more emotional about things while you remain the strong, silent type.


He might shed a tear during sad movies or take things to heart just a bit more than you do. It’s refreshing, really, because it flips the script on who’s expected to show strength and vulnerability. He comes to you when he’s feeling down and isn’t afraid to express his fears or his joys. While society might have taught us that men should keep their emotions in check, your man’s willingness to be open and expressive can be seen as a sign of confidence and comfort in your relationship. It’s a balance that works, with your calm anchoring his waves of sentiment.

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Big Spoon

Big Spoon You might be the girlfriend, but you always like to be the big spoon when it comes to night-time cuddles; more control that way!


Embracing this dominant position is not just about the physical assertion—it's a sign that you're the protector, the one who calls the shots even in your most intimate moments. You're comfortable taking charge and showing affection on your own terms. It's like saying, "I've got you," without uttering a single word. Your partner might find this incredibly reassuring, knowing that you're there to have their back—quite literally. In the subtle language of body language, you're communicating that you're the stronghold in the relationship, the one who can always be leaned on.

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You’re Protective

You’re Protective You love your man and you’re not afraid to show it, ready to throw down with anybody who dares to disrespect or overstep the mark!


Your instinct to shield him from any harm or negativity comes naturally. Whether it's fending off rude remarks or standing up for him in a disagreement, you've got his back, fiercely and loyally. That protective streak isn't just about confrontation, either. It's in the little things too—the way you'll slip a supportive arm around him in new situations or gently guide him away from anything you feel isn't in his best interest. You're his rock, his safe place, and undeniably his champion.

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Get Your Way

Get Your Way You are used to getting your own way, not because you are a brat, but simply because you have the more dominant personality.


You know exactly how to use your charm and persuasive skills to sway decisions in your favor. It's not that you don't consider your partner's opinions; it's just that you're incredibly skilled at steering conversations towards your desired outcome. Whether it's picking the restaurant for date night or deciding on a weekend getaway destination, you manage to have the final say—and you do it with such finesse that your partner often feels like it was their idea in the first place. You're not pushy; you're just convincingly articulate.

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Vulnerability You always feel a little bit awkward and out of place when you need to show your softer, more vulnerable side; you are more used to being the strong one.


Feeling awkward when it comes to vulnerability indicates that you generally take charge and protect yourself with a certain kind of emotional armor. It might be uncomfortable, but showing your true feelings is not a sign of weakness; in fact, it's a sign of strength and authenticity. If you're the one calling the shots, remember that letting your guard down sometimes can actually bring you and your partner closer. It's all about finding a balance between your power and your tenderness, which makes the relationship dynamic and rich.

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People Don’t Get It

People Don’t Get It You can be sure that you wear the trousers if you hear people saying that they don’t ‘get’ your relationship, it’s just because it doesn’t conform to the traditional gendered roles!

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Unapologetic You might earn more money than your boyfriend does, but rather than being shy about it, you own your success and love that you are in a great position.


When it comes to decision-making, your voice carries weight. You're confident in expressing your thoughts and opinions, and your partner respects and values your insight. The fact that you may be the higher earner doesn't intimidate you or make you feel like you should downplay your achievements. Instead, you view it as a reflection of your hard work and dedication. Celebrating your accomplishments is not about overshadowing your partner, but about acknowledging your contributions to the relationship and to your shared life.

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He Talks about the Future

He Talks about the Future It’s your boyfriend that is always talking about the future and trying to lock you down in to a plan. You’re quite happy to live in the moment.

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Parents Love Him

Parents Love Him Your parents love him and are always emphasizing how perfect you are for each other; probably because he’s one of the few guys who don’t mind sitting in the passenger seat!

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Assert Your Independence

Assert Your Independence Just because you are in love with your man, it doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice your independence and stop doing separate things that you enjoy alone.


Maintaining your self-sufficiency is crucial for a healthy balance in your relationship. Embrace your personal hobbies and spend time with your friends without feeling the need to include your partner in every activity. Having your own social circle and interests adds to your individuality and strengthens your sense of self. Remember, a relationship is not about losing yourself in someone else, but sharing your already complete life with them. Respect each other's need for space; it's a sign of mature love and trust between partners.

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Strong Partnership

Strong Partnership Above all of the lovey-dovey, romantic elements of your relationship, you appreciate that you and your man have a strong partnership that feels solid and secure.

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You’re Reading This

You’re Reading This Finally, the fact that you are even reading this must hint that you know you wear the trousers to start with! Would you be reading this if you didn’t think that in any way? Even a little bit!?

I hope you can see there's a difference between wearing the pants and not letting him wear them. It's about being in control, not controlling. And that means you shouldn't have to apologize for being strong!

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

If this description is an accurate depiction of your relationship you might be a lesbian, because the man you love is a woman. Dump the wuss and get a real man and let him be the man-as God intended. Read proverbs 31.

Liz well that's interesting!

If you are my man I want you to BE my man.

Or possibly some men are gentler? Wearing the pants isn't a bad thing at all. Being equals is great too.

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