All Women's Talk

31 Mind-Blowing Expert Tips for Women Who do Not Want to Lose Him ...

By Olga

Every woman 🚺 in love 😻 every now and then secretly worries about losing her man. But fret not, darlings, problem solved with these ultimate one-size-fits-all guide to building 🏀 the healthiest possible relationship πŸ‘­ with you bae!

If you apply these expert tips from psychologists and certified love πŸ’œ and relationship πŸ‘¬ coaches (featured on πŸ”› yourtango.com, cosmopolitan.com, cheatsheet.com), you will no 🚫 longer need to worry 😟 about losing him. Ever.

These experts will tell you exactly what to do to keep your man πŸ‘¦πŸ½ and enjoy the best and the most long-lasting relationship πŸ‘¬ ever. Let's dig in and get enlightened!

1 Create a Safe Environment Where You Can Trust and Share Openly without Fear

person, hair, human action, man, hairstyle,Don't interrupt, even if you need to put your hand πŸ‘† over your mouth πŸ‘„ to stop βœ‹ yourself. Learn πŸ“• to fight πŸ‘Š fairly. No πŸ™… name calling. Don't make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you're too angry 😠 to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take 🎬 space 🌌 for yourself, breathe, and calm 😌 down.

Remember: your partner is not the enemy.

2 Separate the Facts from the Feelings

,What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I'm seeing the situation now? The critical question ❓ you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What's the real truth?

Once you're able to differentiate facts from feelings, you'll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity.

3 Connect with the Different Parts of Yourself

hair, person, photography, facial expression, vision πŸ‘“ care,Each of us is not a solo instrument. We're more like πŸ’– a choir or an orchestra 🎻 with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart πŸ’ saying? What is your body saying? What is your "gut" saying?

For example: My mind is saying "definitely leave her," but my heart πŸ’œ says "I really love πŸ’› her."

Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak πŸ“² to one 1️⃣ another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self.

4 Develop Compassion

clothing, sun 🌞 tanning, swimming 🏊 pool,Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you don't have to identify πŸ†” with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available 🈳 to dialoguing respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn πŸ“• to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power ✊ to choose your response rather than just reacting.

5 Create a "we" That Can House 🏑 Two 2️⃣ "I's."

hair, person, eyebrow, painting, portrait,The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually supportive relationship πŸ’ is being separate, yet connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person 🚹 sacrifices part of him or herself β€” compromising the relationship πŸ‘¬ as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual "I" contributes to creatimg a "we" that is stronger than the sum of its parts.

6 Partner, Heal Thyself

,Don't expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and don't try to fill theirs. Ultimately, each of us can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can support the journey as you work πŸ“ with yourself, and vice versa. In fact, living 🏑 in a loving πŸ’› relationship πŸ’ is healing in and of itself.

7 Relish the Differences between You

person, nose, black hair, mouth, finger,The differences between you and your partner are not negatives. You don't need a relationship πŸ’ with someone who shares all of your interests and views. We may sometimes fear that these differences are incompatibilities, but in fact, they're often what keeps a relationship πŸ‘¬ exciting 🎒 and full 🈡 of good πŸ‘ fire.

8 Ask Questions

,All too often, we make up πŸ‘† our own 🈢 stories or interpretations about what our partners' behavior means. For example: "She doesn't want to cuddle; she must not really love 🌹 me anymore." We can never err on πŸ”› the side of asking too many questions, and then listen 🎧 to the answers from your whole self β€” heart, gut, mind and body. Equally important is to hear πŸ”‰ what's not being said β€” the facts and feeling that you sense might be unspoken.

9 Make Time πŸ•› for Your Relationship

hair, hairstyle, string instrument,No 🚫 matter who you are or what your work πŸ“  is, you need to nurture your relationship. Make sure you schedule time πŸ•€ for the well-being of your relationship. That includes making "play dates" and also taking downtime together. Frequently create a sacred space πŸš€ together πŸ‘« by shutting off πŸ“΄ all things technological and digital. Like πŸ‘Œ a garden, the more you tend to your relationship, the more it will grow 🌱

Maja is where most fail πŸ˜ͺ😒...

10 Say the "hard Things" from Love

people, jungle,Become aware of the hard things that you're not talking πŸ“’ about. How does that feel? No 🚫 matter what you're feeling in a situation, channel the energy of your emotions so that you say what you need to say in a constructive manner.

11 Act out of Character

clothing, person, lingerie, fetish model, leg,Couples πŸ’ develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern πŸ’  and act against type β€” in a positive ☺️ way β€” you inject πŸ’‰ new life 🌱 into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry 😑 at your guy πŸ‘€ when he doesn't follow through on πŸ”› some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, more friendly πŸ˜ƒ tone, then thank him when he does a good πŸ‘ job. It works every time.

12 Get in Touch a Lot

clothing, pink, costume, pattern, flower,No πŸ‘Ž doubt you hug πŸ‘ and kiss πŸ’ each other hello πŸ‘‹ and maybe
snuggle a little after having sex. But simple acts like πŸ‘ stroking his arm πŸ’ͺ while you're watching πŸ‘€ TV, taking his hand πŸ‘‡ when you're walking down πŸ‘‡ the street, or fondling his thigh during dinner πŸ› are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day 🌞 triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection πŸ‘¬ and makes you feel closer on πŸ”˜ an instinctive level.

13 Don't Be BFFs

vision care, person, glasses, painting, portrait,Being pals with your man πŸ‘€ is great πŸ‘Œ in theory. But that kind of connection actually can kill πŸ”ͺ your sex life. You could wind up πŸ‘† having a roommatelike bond with each other rather than a hot β˜€οΈ one 1️⃣ if you let yourself lose track of the masculine-feminine tension that excited you at the beginning of your relationship. Save the gab sessions for when you hang out with your girlfriends and your sexy πŸ‘  energy for connecting with your guy.

Mikk is so hard but true...

14 Enjoy a Steady Diet of Sex

person, hair, eyebrow, nose, hairstyle,If you want to maintain closeness with your man,
get out of your head πŸ‘¦πŸ½ and into bed. Guys feel more comfortable πŸ‘Ÿ connecting with women 🎎 on πŸ”˜ a physical level, not engaging in deep discussions. To strengthen your bond, approach your lust life 🌱 as you would your gym πŸ’ͺ regimen or your diet β€” make it part of your routine. Set 🎬 a goal to have sex at least a couple πŸ’‘ times a week.

15 Take 🎬 Turns Talking

person, human action, kiss,To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on πŸ”˜ your mind during a disagreement β€” and get your points across β€” alternate playing reflective therapist, where one 1️⃣ listens while the other talks.

16 Find the Intersection

eyewear, hair, sunglasses, hairstyle, vision πŸ‘“ care,When making decisions together, try to find common
ground. You each should write down 😟 exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacay in San Francisco 🌁 to see the sights and hit up πŸ‘† the cool πŸ†’ shops 🏬 and restaurants, while he wants a tropical 🌴 getaway where he can veg out by the pool 🎱 and sip drinks 🍢 with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on πŸ”˜ paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool 😎 city, a little sun...how about Miami?

17 Be More Positive ☺️ than Negative

auto show, beauty, vehicle, model, girl,There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file πŸ“ an angry 😠 complaint. Sandwich 🍞 your negative comment between two 2️⃣ positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like πŸ’š "You know, I love 🌹 that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up πŸ‘† so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy πŸ‘¨ I ℹ️ adore ❀️ and also be on πŸ”˜ time."

18 Echo Each Other

person, kiss, human action, nose, man,When you and your man πŸƒ are having a serious relationship πŸ‘¬ talk, it's easy to get so caught up πŸ†™ in how you want to respond that you're not really listening 🎧 to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat πŸ”‚ each other: so you know you've been heard πŸ‘‚ and you feel understood.

19 Grow 🌱 Your Tolerance

barechestedness, hair, person, hairstyle, sunglasses,Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here 🈁 to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work πŸ““ your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed 😀 when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love πŸ’œ his passion. Or if his shyness with new πŸ†• people 🚻 bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy πŸ‘€ rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room.

20 Take 🎬 a Time-out

vacation, blue, sunglasses, man, people,It's important that you get a break from the daily πŸ“… grind and spend πŸ’³ alone time πŸ•¦ as a couple πŸ‘« β€” cell phones and the Internet πŸ“‘ are off-limits. It can be a fun day trip 🌏 or just a few quiet πŸ”‡ hours ⏳ to yourselves. The point ⬇️ is simply to steal away (even if you're going πŸ†™ nowhere) so you can reconnect, free πŸ†“ of any distractions.

21 Have His Back

person, human action, emotion,You might not agree πŸ’― with your guy πŸ‘¨ when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on πŸ”› his side...and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like πŸ‘ you can't count 4️⃣ on πŸ”˜ each other. That doesn't mean you have to take 🎬 the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear πŸ”‰ him out, and let him know that you'll support him no πŸ™… matter what.

22 Spend πŸ’΄ a Little Money 🏧 on πŸ”˜ Each Other

person, human action, kiss,You don't have to wait for a special occasion πŸŽ‰ to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun-and meaningful β€” when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet 🍬 tokens of appreciation πŸ’˜ for no πŸ™… particular reason. Don't go and blow πŸ“’ your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get β€” and think about β€” each other. Maybe you buy πŸ’΄ him a tee of his favorite band 🎻 that you saw on sale 🈹 or he gets you a pair 2️⃣ of pajamas in your favorite color.

23 Be a Good πŸ‘ Date

person, human action,Face πŸ—Ώ it, no πŸ™… one 1️⃣ can stay fascinating forever. After being together πŸ‘« for a while, the initial excitement 😝 fades, and your guy πŸ‘¨ can start to get kind of boring πŸ’€ sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off πŸ“΄ the hook β€” if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take 🎬 turns coming up πŸ‘† with an interesting date πŸ‘¬ idea πŸ’‘ every month. Keep the time πŸ• and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box πŸ”² β€” dinner πŸ› and a movie πŸŽ₯ is not exactly innovative. An awesome πŸ‘ concert or a snowboarding πŸ‚ lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat.

24 Take 🎬 It Easy

person,The best relationship πŸ‘­ advice I’ve ever gotten, and that I ℹ️ give, is β€œeasy does it.” Too often we get caught up πŸ†™ in fear-based needs to control our partner. This pull becomes a destructive compulsion that corrodes the integrity of the relationship. It replaces respect πŸ™‡ and compassion with anger 😀 and resentment. It destroys the quality of our lives and over time, the relationship.

This advice impacted the way I ℹ️ approach romantic πŸ’ relationships in that I ℹ️ allowed for a lot more space, which in turn 🎲 allowed for less reactivity, more peace, happiness, and respect. The classic struggle of all relationships is finding the right πŸ‘‰ calculus in the togetherness-and-autonomy equation. Typically, when a relationship πŸ‘­ is under stress, one 1️⃣ of the partners asks for physical space πŸš€ to break the tension. This is suboptimal. The best way to incorporate space 🌌 is by being proactive and providing emotional rather than physical space. To do this, partners need to allow each other the space 🌌 to be themselves and to have their experiences without trying to control the outcome or think that you are responsible for their lives and reaction. It’s hard work πŸ“ and takes practice, but the rewards are well πŸ‘ worth the effort.

Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, J.D. licensed marriage πŸ’’ and family πŸ‘¨β€πŸ‘¨β€πŸ‘¦ therapist and senior clinical adviser to Caron Ocean 🐚 Drive.

25 Give 90%

clothing, footwear, sneakers, leather, shoe,My parents πŸ‘¨β€πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘¦β€πŸ‘¦ advised what they did in their own 🈢 marriage: β€œboth of you always think about giving 90% to your partner and you both will be very happy.” They meant it’s so important to think about how your partner is feeling, to stand in their shoes, to be giving and compromising, and emotionally generous. That 10% is for the understanding that sometimes it’s also OK πŸ‘Œ to be a bit selfish, to place your needs first, or stand firm on πŸ”˜ something. They also made clear πŸ†‘ that this only works if you are both giving 90%.

I just celebrated my 26th wedding πŸ‘° anniversary. I ℹ️ definitely think about my spouse’s needs and feelings the majority of the time πŸ•› and try to be compromising. In return I ℹ️ feel he is 90% thinking πŸ’­ of me and how to consider my feelings and be supportive and loving. Sometimes this means giving something up, but actually most times this means we both get what we want and we both feel very loved, supported, and that we are in each other’s corner. I ℹ️ don’t feel afraid 😨 to be giving, because he really has my best interests at heart. We are a terrific team and often we agree πŸ’― on πŸ”› what we want. And when we don’t, we tend to take 🎬 turns supporting the other’s wants.

Dr. Gail Saltz, is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York πŸ—½ Presbyterian’s Weill-Cornell Medical βž• College. She has partnered with Tylenol on πŸ”˜ the new πŸ†• #HowWeFamily program and national study to share more information πŸ“‡ about the modern American πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ family. For more information πŸ“‡ visit HowWeFamily.com

26 You Are Responsible for Your Own 🈢 Happiness

person, hair, hairstyle, human action, t shirt,It’s not my partner’s job to make me happy. It’s my job to make me happy. Of course it’s easy to feel good πŸ‘ when my partner is acting 🎭 in a way that I ℹ️ want β€”but needing them to be a certain way in order for me to feel good πŸ‘ β€”that’s bondage. Thinking πŸ’­ that they’re always going πŸ†™ to be in a good πŸ‘ mood and directing ➑️ their affectionate attention ⚠️ towards me β€” while that may be possible during the initial stage of a relationship, is impossible to sustain long-term. I’m responsible for my happiness. My partner is responsible for her happiness. We deliberately focus on πŸ”› things to feel good πŸ‘ in our lives and for things to appreciate in one 1️⃣ another.

If you’re looking for someone to complete you β€”or vice versaβ€”you’re looking in the wrong direction πŸ”œ for the lasting happiness, wholeness, and fulfillment that you truly seek. Wouldn’t it be better if you could find a way to feel how you want to feel regardless of what you’re partner is saying or doing?

This advice transformed every relationship πŸ’ in my life πŸ’“ – not just the romantic πŸ‘« ones. Before I ℹ️ knew these things, I ℹ️ was unintentionally holding my partner responsible for my happiness. When I ℹ️ learned that I’m responsible for my own 🈢 happiness 🌈 and when I ℹ️ learned how to consistently align with it, my entire world 🌏 transformed. I ℹ️ now have the freedom to choose if and when I ℹ️ spend time πŸ•₯ with someone else, and I ℹ️ deliberately choose to spend time πŸ“… with others who get this, too. My relationships are more meaningful, more loving, more free, and most importantly – more fun! And my overall happiness 😊 continues to grow, too, regardless of whether I’m in a relationship πŸ‘¬ or not.

Jeff Bear, life πŸ’“ coach and founder of Bear 🐻 Partners.

27 Stop βœ‹ Waiting and Live Your Life

hand, finger, arm, jewellery, tattoo,When I ℹ️ was single 1️⃣ and stressed 😨 about finding love, my good πŸ‘ friend, Scott, a confirmed bachelor, told me this. He said, β€œLisa, you need to calm 😌 down, chill ✌️ out, and stop πŸ™… expecting love πŸ’œ to be here 🈁 already. Your sense of entitlement is killing your ability to attract a good πŸ‘ man.” When I ℹ️ realized he was right, I ℹ️ stopped waking up πŸ‘† every day β˜€οΈ feeling angry 😑 that love 🌹 hadn’t found me yet. I ℹ️ stopped being resentful that my friends were married and having lives that felt out of reach to me. I ℹ️ stopped feeling like 😍 my life πŸ’“ was on πŸ”˜ hold. As clichΓ© as it sounds, I ℹ️ stopped waiting and started living. Overnight, my outlook changed. My results changed, too. I ℹ️ started meeting men πŸ‘₯ wherever I ℹ️ went. I went on πŸ”˜ dates, had fun, didn’t give my heart πŸ’” away foolishly, and met my husband. I ℹ️ knew he was The One 1️⃣ when he told me, β€œI’ve always been too nice 😬 for the naughty 😈 girls πŸ‘­ and too naughty πŸ‘Ώ for the nice πŸ˜‡ ones.” That had been my experience with men.

My advice for singles 🎾 who are struggling in their search is to look πŸ‘€ within and ask themselves what part of their own 🈢 life πŸ’“ still needs work. When you clean up πŸ‘† your side of the street, you make room for a perfectly imperfect person πŸ‘¨ to see you, celebrate 🎊 you, and love β™₯️ you. And remember that Mr. Right πŸ‘‰ [or Ms. Right] will not be perfect, but will be perfect πŸ‘Œ for you, just as you’ll be perfectly imperfect for him [or her].

Lisa Steadman, relationship πŸ‘­ expert and author of It’s a Breakup Not a Breakdown.

28 Love πŸ’™ Yourself

hair, facial hair, 02EH,You can’t love ❀️ anyone more than your willingness to love πŸ’ yourself. Through this advice I ℹ️ learned about the importance of caring for my mind, body, and spirit. I ℹ️ liken love ❀️ to the oxygen mask πŸ‘Ί on πŸ”› a plane. You have to apply it to yourself before applying it to the person 🚹 next to you. This advice improved my chances of winning πŸ† my wife’s hand πŸ‘ˆ in marriage. She was searching for true love. She wanted someone to spend πŸ’΄ the rest of her life 🌱 with. Conveying to her that I ℹ️ loved ❀️ myself signaled that I ℹ️ could be a pillar of strength πŸ’ͺ and compassion.

Paul C. Brunson, matchmaker and author of It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be): A Modern Guide to Finding and Keeping Love.

29 Don’t Put Boundaries on πŸ”› Others

person, blond, profession,You can’t put boundaries on πŸ”˜ someone elseβ€”only yourself. If someone is treating you badly, you can’t change their behavior. But you can ask yourself why you accept πŸ‰‘ it and how you can put a boundary on πŸ”˜ yourself so that you won’t accept πŸ’― it again. It made me take 🎬 more responsibility for my role in bad relationships. Instead of feeling like 😻 a victim of circumstance, I ℹ️ was empowered to reject bad treatment and choose a different person. Also, [remember that] life πŸ’“ is a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you believe you are undeserving of happiness, love πŸ’ and prosperity, that’s what the universe 🌌 will give you.

Dr. Wendy Walsh, relationship πŸ‘¬ expert and author of The 30-Day Love πŸ’› Detox.

30 Sometimes Love πŸ’œ is Where You’d Least Expect It

person, profession,The hottest, most fun, sexiest, interesting, growth-stimulating, spontaneous, most romantic, most eye-opening relationships or experiences all were not with people πŸ‘₯ that I ℹ️ thought πŸ’¬ I ℹ️ would end up πŸ†™ with. Just because a relationship πŸ’ has a shelf life πŸ’“ doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enter into it. This advice allowed me to enjoy each interaction for what it was and not try to make it something it wasn’t. And at the end πŸ”š of the day, our life 🌱 is just a conglomeration of memories and I ℹ️ have many happy 😁 memories to think on. This gives me the freedom to experience all life 🌱 has to offer!

Other good πŸ‘ advice: β€œAlways be unexpected.” This doesn’t have to be in grand gestures, but predictability in a relationship πŸ‘­ = boring πŸ’€ = death πŸ’€ of romance. Worst Advice? β€œDon’t worry, it’ll happen.” If I ℹ️ wanted to learn πŸ“• French, if someone told me β€œDon’t worry, it’ll happen,” how stupid does that sound?! Dating πŸ‘« is a skill set like πŸ’š every other and you get out of it πŸ˜’ what you put into it.

Hunt Ethridge, certified dating πŸ‘­ coach.

31 Put in Some Effort

person, people, child, sibling, photo shoot,First, you simply must put time πŸ• and energy into dating. A combination of online dating πŸ‘¬ and socializing (perhaps including speed dating πŸ‘¬ or singles 🎾 mixers) is ideal. And second, you must go about dating πŸ‘¬ the right πŸ‘‰ wayβ€”from a positive ☺️ attitude and an effective online dating πŸ‘« profile (I can help you with that at ellyklein.com) to behavior on πŸ”˜ dates and communication βœ‰οΈ with potential partners. If your approach to finding love πŸ‘¬ is waiting for it to just come along, you’re taking a huge risk and will probably be single 1️⃣ for a long time.

Elly Klein, dating πŸ‘¬ and relationship πŸ’ expert and author of Men πŸ‘₯ Are Like 😚 a Box ◼️ of Chocolates.

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