16 True Confessions about First Dates That Will Make You Feel Less Awkward ...

1. A Family Affair

I don't even understand this.

2. Just like Mom

This is never not a red flag.

3. Good Going down, Bad Coming up

Vomit always makes for an awkward first date.

4. This is Not How You Netflix and Chill

I would run so far away so fast. There are not enough Timbits in the world.

5. Ouch

Seriously. Just … just ouch.

6. That's Not How Any of This Works

I think this might be sexual assault, y'all. For real, nobody should ever do this to you. That's so wrong. If you can get arrested for twerking against an unwilling participant, you can get arrested for this.

7. Which Chicken Hurt This Man?

Do you think he had a bad experience with a baby chick? Food poisoning from some McNuggets, maybe? Why does he hate chickens?

8. But is This Really a Deal Breaker?

Or is it just kind of groovy? I wonder if they had a nice time.

9. Wait … What?

Seriously, did she double book, did she have a backup, what happened?

10. I Think the Lead-up to This is Important

I cannot decide if this is truly awkward without some details. Whisperers, you need to include more details. Add extra Whispers, I don't care. I'll read.

11. I Can Relate to This

No, really, my mom came with me to get my tongue pierced, which was also my first date with this guy. It's always awkward. Always.

12. That'll do It

I feel bad for both of them, to be honest.

13. Not so Much Awkward as Kind of Gross

Plus, I mean, does he remember by the afternoon? Does he get up late? Is there a reason for this lapse in oral hygiene?

14. These Don't Seem to Go Together

Do you get what I mean? That's just an incongruous combination of things.

15. Netflix and No Chill

But then, there's rarely any chill involved anyway.

16. This One Wins

This one wins everything. The whole prize.

Let us all thank Whisper for making us feel a little better about ourselves.

h/t: whisper.sh