Have you ever wondered if you missed the signs you are dating a control freak? The first few dates were great but something seems a little off. Perhaps your once carefree and exciting significant other now seems predictable and boring. If you are like many of us who want to enjoy the moment, the idea of dating a «control freak» can be a tough one to ponder. Nevertheless, in order to «help a sista’ (or brotha’) out» in this department, I am sharing with you my own, personal, list of seven signs you are dating a control freak.
1. Gifts! Oh, the Many, Specific Gifts
Who doesn’t like a gift? They help us express our feelings and show the recipient that we are thinking of them. After all, it’s good to be reminded that you are appreciated. However, gifts that stress a particular style, like clothes, can be a method of controlling your self-expression. These types of seemingly benign gifts are one of the more subtle signs you are dating a control freak.
2. Color-Coded Everything
Color-blocking and neatly organized shelves fascinate me. In fact, whenever I’m in a grocery store and I notice a soup can out of sync I feel compelled to correct it. What is a fun thing for me to notice is also a clue to the obsessive nature of a control freak. From neatly arranged sock drawers to color-coded pantry items arranged by height and weight, a super well-organized home can signal that you are dating a control freak. The desire to keep order in this way demonstrates a need to ensure success and control.
3. Travel, or Lack Thereof
One of the many fun things about dating is going out together and creating new memories! I like the idea of experiencing places familiar and unfamiliar, old and new with someone I care about. It can be exciting and incredibly helpful when your date plans the evening form time to time. However, if your date increasingly limits your input regarding date night activities then they may be exercising a method of manipulation that ensures their control. A control freak can even take this manipulation a little farther by interfering in your plans with other people and limiting your scope of travel outside of the relationship.
4. Outside Relationships Are Monitored
When things are going really well with your partner, time flies very quickly! Before you know it, you are immersed in the singular world that is the company of your partner. You spend so much time together that you seem nearly inseparable. This suits the control freak just fine as it allows them ample opportunity to control not only your time, but also the people who fill your space. Now, while there may be a family member or two that I wouldn’t mind avoiding, I do love my freedom and ability to design my life my way.
5. Guilt Trips Rise While Freedom Wanes
Sometimes, I wish I had a really good «pouty» face or were particularly good at guilt trips. Either would have come in handy early this morning when I wanted someone else to walk my dog. But, alas, I do not. However, while you and I may practice the occasional guilt trip, the control freak has made it a veritable art. A control freak will try any tactic to ensure things go their way, including guilt tripping you into agreeing to their ideas in lieu of your own opinions and instincts.
6. Spontaneity Has Left the Building
I’m pretty spontaneous in many areas except my morning ritual. The «order of operations» that begin my morning help ensure a good, calm, sweet-smelling start to what is sure to be a very busy day ahead. However, sometimes there is a hiccup in the process and that’s ok; the world does not end. While you and I will roll with a disruption or last minute change in plans, a hiccup or plan alteration signals a loss of control for the control freak. As such, nearly every aspect of the date and relationship is scheduled and predictable in order to ensure success and control.
7. Conversation is Reduced to Lectures
Lively conversations are incredibly mentally stimulating! I love a good conversation. Sharing ideas and opinions is a fantastic way to get to know your partner better. Whether you take turns leading the discussion or banter it out like an episode of Seinfeld, the object is to enjoy the conversation. However, a conversation with a control freak is nearly always reduced to one-sided lectures from them on a topic of their choosing.
Individually, these signs you are dating a control freak can show up in nearly everyone and everything from me, the slightly obsessive, soup can organizer to my adorable dog, Apollo, master of the guilt trip pouty-face, er, eyes. Collectively, these signs can raise a flag for anyone’s attention. Do you have any tips or signs to add? Please, share!