You know the phrases “you just need time” “time heals all wounds” etc and you hear them a lot when you’re hurting from a breakup. But no one ever puts a figure on the time. Obviously we recover from hurt at different rates but what could our expectations be? What affects how long it takes to get over him?
1. Relationship Length
When thinking about how long will it take to get over him, one of the primary factors is how long the relationship lasted. It’s pretty obvious that you are going to spend more time recovering from the breakup of a years’ long marriage or partnership compared to a fling that only lasted a couple of months before it went south. The general rule is that the longer you were together, loving and happy, the longer it will take before you feel ready to move on.
2. The Date of the Split
If you are reading this and only split up with your partner a matter of days or weeks ago, then it is important to remember that these feelings of hurt and heartbreak are still so fresh in your mind that you shouldn’t feel bad or abnormal for experience such hurt. The fact of the matter is that our minds and hearts will heal themselves in their own time, but there is no doubt that you will be feeling at your worst closer to the split date.
3. The State of the Relationship
How long it takes you to be able to get over the split will largely depend on the state of the relationship before you broke up. For example, if your ex decided to end it out of the blue and you have no idea that he was feeling this way at all, then the sheer shock of the lifestyle change will cause you to dwell on it for longer. Alternatively, if you could sense that things weren’t going well for a while, you may have already unknowingly done some of your grieving before you even officially split up.
4. The Importance of the Relationship
You will have a much harder time coming to terms with the break up if you truly believed that you had found your soul mate. Alternatively, if you saw the relationship as a fun distraction and nothing serious, you are less likely to dwell on its demise when it ends.
5. The Manner of the Split
The general rule is that the more amicable the break up, the quicker you are likely to fully get over your ex. If things end on bad or explosive terms, then you are going to be more likely to hold a grudge and therefore not be able to fully move on with your life.
6. Was There Abuse?
Abuse comes in many forms in a relationship, from sexual to emotional to physical, and if there were any elements on abuse within your relationship then it will probably be harder to fully escape from the thoughts of your past. In these instances, your best route for trying to get over your ex is to seek some kind of professional, sympathetic help.
7. Was It an Affair?
It can often be harder to get over a relationship that ended either because of an affair or because it was an affair. The reason for this is that the split doesn’t only affect you. It also has the potential to affect any number of innocent people who will have had their lives changed because of the actions of two people.
Do you think knowing some of these would help you deal with the time it takes to get over a breakup? What other factors do you think come into play?