Marital Separation is often seen by outsiders as something that is chosen as an easy option. Having been through a divorce, I can testify that this is definitely untrue. The end of a relationship is a sad event that brings up many emotions and practical issues. Here are some tips for surviving marital separation and coping with the issues involved.
1. Keep Civil
However angry and hurt you are, always try to maintain a civil relationship in dealing with your soon-to-be-ex-partner. Hostility benefits no-one (except the lawyers), whereas behaving in a civilised manner can make a painful process easier. This is especially important if there are children involved – your partner may now be your ex, but they are still your co-parent, and you have to get on for the sake of the kids.
2. Take Your Time
Getting over marital separation is bound to be a slow process. You need time to lick your wounds – there is no set timetable for feeling better or being ready to get on with your life. Take as much time as is right for you to recover, and don´t listen to anyone who tells you to get over it. You are, after all, dealing with a kind of bereavement.
3. No Rebounds
It´s tempting to console yourself after a split by rapidly finding someone else. Often there is additional motivation to show your ex that even if they don´t want you, someone else finds you attractive. Rebound relationships usually end in disaster, because you are in them for the wrong reasons. Wait until you are ready before finding a new partner.
4. Be Businesslike
Emotions tend to dominate when you´re going through a marital separation. It´s very important though to consider the practical issues as well. Make sure you know your rights when it comes to legal matters; you have to look after your own interests. Be prepared to make certain concessions to smooth the process, but don´t give up too many of your rights; think of securing your future.
5. Look to the Future
While it´s important tò allow time to grieve, surviving separation also comes through accepting that the relationship now belongs to your past. You now have to move into a new stage of your life; it may be one that you did not expect to happen, but it is essential to adapt to the challenges and changes that life brings.
6. You Will Survive
After a split, you may wonder how you are ever going to manage without the person that you expected to spend your life with. Believe me, you will cope. It´s tough, but you get through and become a stronger person. You learn that you can survive on your own, and that you can cope with difficult periods in your life.
7. Faith in Yourself
Sometimes marital separation has clearly been inevitable, and sometimes it comes out of the blue to one partner. Whichever is true, have faith in yourself and trust yourself to find the ability to cope. Life is rarely smooth, so tell yourself that you are a strong person, and will not only get through this but emerge stronger than before.
Marital separation is a challenging, emotional and stressful experience, without a doubt. Nobody passes through it entirely unscathed, but there are ways to make it that little bit easier. You may even find that you feel more confident once you realise that you have coped and survived, however difficult it once seemed. If you´ve been through marital separation, how did you cope with the emotions and experience?
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