3. Talking about the Future

Can you imagine a future with your partner?

Do you talk about plans together such as going on vacation, whether you want children, or buying a home?

If you've been dating a while but he always changes the subject when you talk about the future, the signs point towards him not seeing this as a serious relationship.

Going in V Staying out


I feel I was tricked by this guy into thinking he wanted more than what he actually wanted. He lied to me to get sex and I still feel so violated. I realized what an arrogant spoiled brat he is and dropped him on his ass which he didn't like much. So now he's messing with my head and won't leave me alone. Im just trying to shake off that sickening feeling and consider him the ugliest cruelest thing I could ever let in my life that way. Lies are extremely hurtful, downright cruel. There's a lesson in all this after I get over the serious mind fuck
Beryl Stokes
Steph5 . Please stop beating yourself up! Direct your anger at him not yourself! You win some,you lose some dear. Does not sound as if you lost a wonderful man at all - more like a boil on your butt! Laugh at yourself a while and put it up to experience. And never ever give up your moral standards !
@Ask The Universe, I feel the exact same way about what I thought was a relationship. In the summer he stood me up 3 times after making plans with me. He never initiated conversations and he never took me out and always wanted to stay indoors. When school came around, I went to university and he spent his fall semester abroad (he was in a National Outdoor Leadership School course with no technology). Knowing this, I hand wrote him 82 letters and personalized them and gave them to him to read while he was on his trip. He said he'd write to me while he was away... Never did. When he came back after Thanksgiving and I saw him I got sick to my stomach. I thought it was because I was excited to see him after all this time.. but as time went on, I realized that wasn't the case. I continued going to school (an hour away from him), and I'd continue initiating conversations to try to talk to him, and wouldn't hear from him for 5 days straight. In December, he began to get very physical with me in ways that I was not comfortable with (sexually). I personally am planning on waiting until marriage until engaging in sexual activity; but that didn't matter to him. He forced me into situations and made me extremely uncomfortable - and I got sick to my stomach every single time I'd come home from school because his behavior became a regular thing... To top it off; he did all that and followed up by saying he didn't want anything "too serious". He didn't care about anything that was going on in my life, and he couldn't even remember my birthday!!! I broke up with him in early March, but after 4 months of dry-heaving because of extreme anxiety (because of him) and 1 month crying over him because I cared about him so much only to get treated so so so terribly, I feel awful, and I can't believe I put myself through that...I found out that he didn't have feelings for me, and he knew that before leaving for his semester abroad (in September)... he just kept me around so he could have his fun... I've never felt so hurt or disrespected or used in my life :( Why I waited so long to leave, I don't know why... But I feel so silly for thinking he actually cared, it's very clear now that he didn't; and that hurts, especially with all he did to me. It hurts to give 110% being loyal and caring and loving and respecting of someone only for them not to give you the time of day. it's gonna take a while to heal, that's for sure :(
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